When you have been with a lover for any amount of time one of the biggest complaints is that sex isn't as "fun" anymore.  Its not new, spontaneity will help with that thrill.


But how do you put spontaneity into your sex life?

1) Think outside of the box.  This is a challenge for everyone, but its also a big bunch of fun!  Fantasize.  Where in your house haven't you made love to your partner?  Where is somewhere you often go together?  Do you hike?  Do you own your own store?  Keep these to yourself and watch for just the right moment.

2) Allow for time.  If you know that you are supposed to be to work by 8 and your partner has to be there by 7, "accidently" set the alarm early and join him or her in the shower.  Start the morning with some lovely and surprising oral or a hand job.  Help cover the chores your partner wants to get done so they have more time with you. 

3) Be aware of your partner's mood.  Think about the time when he or she tends to be at their "randiest." Mine tends to be about 2-3 o'clock in the afternoon.  Be available during that time and help to assist that horny mood in any ways you know how (flirting, spanking, tweaking, teasing.)

4) Keep clean up on hand.  If you need condoms keep them on hand, its also a good idea to keep a few wipes available, because lets face it sex is a dirty business, your partner will be pleased if you came prepared!

5) Listen for clues.  This one goes toward 3, your partner may be dropping hints all the time for ways for you to be spontaneous.  Have they ever talked about getting a hand job in public?  Maybe the next movie you should take a jacket and play with him or her in the darkness under the coat.  Have they been talking about dropping the kids off at your parents for the weekend?  Maybe you should arrange that and realize that they're wanting YOU.  

When you start watching for situations you may become surprised how easy it is to get with your lover.

How do you keep spontaneity in your life?  How do you keep the spice alive?  Feel free to leave me a comment! :) 

This is an oldie but goodie.  So good in fact that 35 years after its "birth" it was used as a theme song for Ghost, one of the most romantic movies out there in my opinion.  

Whether your first memories of this song came in 1955, 1990, or today, it is a song that most people can connect to at least on some level.

Its amazing the type of romantic writing I get when listening to this and songs similar to it, and thats why it's this weeks Sexy Song of the Week.  

Enjoy your weekend!  
                            Kisses, 
                                  Lesa

I apologize for my lack of fresh and exciting posts lately, I am certain that you are on the edge of your seat waiting for me to post about sexy sex positions and fiery hot music and offer a few tips of the trade.  I had a little "mix up" with my personal life this week, but things are feeling back on track, and I should be gearing up to bring you hot stories soon! :) 

Last week before the whole fiasco I had planned to chat on Writer's Groups - and I think that's a good plan still.  If you are a "hobby writer" looking to publish (either self or with the Big 6) then one of the first steps I absolutely recommend is joining a Writer's Group.   

Writer's Groups don't get a lot of credit, and many of the hobby writers I know say they wouldn't dream of sharing their work until its published, my question is why?

As soon as you write something it is protected under copyright laws, it is your own.  Why wouldn't you share your work with an audience and see what they think?  See if it has potential? See if it has flare?  To hell with the grammar.  To hell with the plot change in the third chapter that isn't smooth yet.  To hell with your fears!

The first "Writer's Group" I joined was a fiction writing class in college in 2002.  (Wow that makes me feel old!) I was intimidated, there were 12 other students and the professor who were going to be reading, grading, and critiquing my pieces.  I was almost in tears the first story I turned in.  

It helped me me grow in ways that I can't begin to explain.  For one it got rid of the fear.  When you are reading through other author's work you begin to see mistakes - in your own AND in theirs.  You begin to develop a thick skin when you hear "jeez this was so not my style and totally sucked."  And if you're going to make it in this business you have to have a thick skin.  Whether its against publishers saying "No thank you" or reviews saying "this filth is too short" or what-have-you.

I am currently in a Writer's Group that consists of 3 members, including myself, and while its wonderful and I value their opinion, I wish it had more people in it.  We have one member that is continually away, whether with school, work, home life, whatever, and that means that its me and one other author - we have grown, we're good friends, our writing is better, but our opinions are no longer "new" and as helpful as they once were. I'm thinking of joining another this summer.  

Writing is a craft, it takes practice, it takes time, and it takes dedication.  Whether you are writing as a hobby or as a career putting effort into it is one of the keys to making it work.  

I've posted a Justin and Michael before, but I didn't know that Justin Robinett did duets with others.

I'm really huge on these guys, and its really wonderful to listen to them branching out, and Jocelyn Bartum has a set of pipes that are amazing. 

I have noticed during my writing that the "mood" of my music plays pretty directly to the way I write.  I am not 100% a "plan, diagram, write to formula" writer.  I have a general idea of what I want to see, but the characters often surprise me and grow during a piece, and the music I'm listening to during the writing helps inspire romance, rough, orgasm, power, submission... I have started working my playlist into "mood categories" I have some for the slower ballads and romance, and some for the hard core stuff, and I highly recommend you try it.  

Here's a fun writing exercise: 
Pick a topic and write 200 words on it in silence.
Take the same topic and turn on a pumping fast-paced song, write 200 words.
Take the same topic and turn on a mood ballad, write 200 words.  

How different are they?  What characteristics do you notice became easier? harder? How quickly did you write your 200 words in each stage, was it noticeably different?  

You may or may not have noticed that Penance: Seclusion came out this week.  When my lover read this one he said, "Wow, that was some of your best writing yet!" 

And in confession, is it is an elaborate fantasy of mine in story format.

Bondage takes place in so many ways, it isn't all leather, ball gags, and whips.  My goal with this series is to explore that.  To bring to light my deepest fantasy in e-print, and hopefully bring in some true and heartfelt aspects of BDSM.  

I hope it connects to all of my readers, whether big fans of BDSM or not.  

Oral is one of the finer pleasures during sex, but its not for everyone, and everyone won't enjoy it to the same degree.

My lover adores oral, he can never truly be satiated with it, the idea of getting it morning and night with the occasional afternoon bj would be grand for him.

Me? I'm ok with it. A definite “to do” in certain instances, when I'm wildly aroused, when I'm in the shower or tub, or just after. Its not that I don't love the sensations its fear. I'm a “wet orgasmer” which I am still learning to accept and be comfortable with. I have no issue taking my lover's “load” and bringing as much pleasure to him as I can, but it intimidates me to have him go down on me.

Oral is one of those “sensitive” aspects of sex that some societies and cultures have difficulties accepting, and many people who have not yet experienced it are hesitant to for those reason and the idea that it is “dirty.”

For those of us that have experienced it for years we have to be careful to ensure it doesn't go stagnant and is still enjoyable for both partners.

Here are some tips to encourage a new partner or to enhance an old partner's pleasure:

~The Shower or Bath. In addition to having the comfort of warm water it may also help a new partner get past the “its dirty” aspects, what can be cleaner than a bath?

~BJ Drops. These fun little drops are great for adding a completely different aspect; they awaken the sensation of smell and taste with pleasurable and comforting flavors like chocolate, cinnamon, and mint.
 
~Music. Set your iPod to shuffle or turn on a mixed CD that has different tempos and themes. Time your thrusts and sucks to the music. Following tempos may help to bring your lover to ecstasy quick though – so beware!

~Different Positions. Just like with “normal” sex, oral can be experienced with many different positions, allowing both partners the experience of different sensations. There's the classic 69 position, the “T” (the partner going down is perpendicular to the other's genitals.). But there's also sitting and standing positions. Position the partner giving on the floor crosslegged and leaning back on his or her hands. The partner being served steps over their lover with their crotch right over. This is a pretty dominant-submissive position and allows the standing partner to thrust, grind, and dictate the oral.

~Exploration. Not just for new partners, make a game of exploring your lover's sex fully. What happens when you nibble with your lips? your teeth? your tongue? What happens when you thrust them into your throat? your cheek? your teeth? Do they like it when you blow? when you hum? when you gyrate?

Make sure to always keep up communication with your partner whenever you are wanting to add spice to your sexual relationship, talk about their fears or concerns. Perhaps you'll find out they have real issues with hair and you should shave before you start, or perhaps you'll find out its a religious upbringing they may or may not wish to let go of. Respect your partners fears, discuss with them your thoughts and feelings.    

Dirty Dancer by Enrique Iglesias and Usher.  Hot.

This song helped to inspire the dance scene in A Voyeur's Gift.  Every time I hear it in my car it gets turned up, and the song isn't the only part of this lovely video that's hot.  Even as a woman the idea of watching hot ladies pole dancing is exciting, especially intermingled with two hotties like Enrique and Usher :).

At some points when you are feeling the pressure of writer's block turn on Pandora and start a new station, listen to the lyrics and pump it.  Start transcribing the lyrics until you are ready to start your own story. :)   

I find it absolutely amazing what I get to call research. :) The other day I spent a few hours pouring over Dreamstime looking for a photo for Isaac for an upcoming interview with him to promote The Binding: An Erotic Fantasy.  He needed to be tall, strong, sleek, dark haired, and handsome.  A few days later I was pooling around looking at pretty pussy, searching out one with heart-shaped lips to ensure that my vision was accurate.

Research is something any writer and artist does (or at least needs to do) and that is doesn't eliminate erotic authors.  It may be something like reference photos, or porn to discover the "know how" of DP, or something as boring as whether its lay, lie, or laid.

I have just started reading a book entitled The Black Witch, its a horror novel, and a bit outside my norm, but already I can tell the author knows a lot about ships.  Whether its was countless hours of researching the differences between stem and stern or what they called old sailors, Michael Rivers is on top of it.  I don't know a great deal about ships, so I certainly am not verifying everything he says as true and accurate, but it reads smoothly and he sure could fool me if its not!

The point is that whether or not you are experienced with sex you need to read like you are! If you're not a man discuss with a man how it feels to ejaculate.  If you're not a female find out what that moment of pleasure is like for one!  If you don't have a husband, wife, or good friend you feel comfortable talking about that amazing moment with then join a forum, there are hundreds of thousands out there, and many of them enjoy talking about sex!  You don't necessarily need to experience double penetration to feel the pleasure of something in your pussy and ass at the same time.  

Erotica and sex in writing is perhaps one of the most true parts of fiction out on the market today.  Not because somewhere at some point a professor banged a cheerleader, but because the act itself is a moment of pure feeling.  It has the opportunity to connect a reader to your character in ways that many other pieces won't ever share.  If you don't believe me step into the mind of Phedre in Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey.  I was not into pain AT ALL before I "met" Phedre, and when it came to bondage I didn't mind an occassional blind fold, but the idea of having my body completely submitting to another's will...nope. Until I read Kushiel's Dart and saw through her eyes.  The world Phedre lived in was so real, so vivid, the sensations she experienced and Ms. Carey wrote about so deliciously connecting that BDSM has moved up my pleasure list. 

And it would have been lacking without the research. 

I went on Barnes and Noble forums the other day and was reading a post about sales.

One "gentleman" was freaking out because he'd only made 5 sales that month.  He was talking about removing his many titles from B&N because he wasn't making any sells.  

Someone had made a comment that if he removed it he wouldn't make any money, and it really started a snowball effect.  Since there isn't any cost in having them posted the idea of simply "leaving them to be discovered" is a good one.  

I read a post on One Handed Writers that brought up that each book is an investment.  You invest time and creativity.  I truly agree with that.  

Someone else posted that he should remove them to let the rest of us have a better chance, but that is the surest way to never make any money off them.  

I have a lot of "hobby" writer friends, and when they ask me how I'm making it I am happy to give them all my feedback, notes on how I am doing it, how much I am expect and hoping for, etc. But they continually say things like "Oh, well, I guess I don't really have the time." or "I don't think I want to hire an editor" or "I need my muse to help me" or "well maybe I will look into it after my big project is finished" or "I don't know how to make a cover".  In the end they have given me excuse after excuse and you know what? I'm not breaking any arms.  I am only telling them how I did it when they ask!  But they aren't willing to put in the investment, they only want to reap the rewards.  

I think the idea of success and failure is holding a lot of them back, the dream is only a dream until you start making it a goal.   

One of my friends said "what if I only make a few sales?"  I said "How many is it making in your closet?"  She laughed, but I hope she got my point.  

Sales discouragement comes with many faces.  The "I haven't made much I'm pulling them." The "I made double last month why can't I get any sales this month?"  The "Its been so many months and I'm barely bringing in $500, but others are saying they're bringing in $3,000, what am I doing wrong?"  But in the end its just excuses, and fears. 

Watch out for this monster in your own life, if you are a writer beware comparing your sales to someone else's.  Beware of letting "well sales are down this month" become "I should stop wasting my time writing."  

Remember to look at the big picture, each book can have a lifetime online.  It can sell forever.  My "worst seller" - one that had never made a sell before in fact - has been bought four times this month.  True, four times doesn't even compare to my best sellers, but four times is giving me money in my pocket, and it could very easily turn into more sales.  It will be up there for the rest of my life (or as long as eBooks last!) and longer.