Sometime today or tomorrow Deep: A Rape Fantasy is being published - it is already up on Barnes and Noble for my Nook owning fans.  This book commemorates my 30th erotic eBook title.  To make it extra special its dedicated to my readers, first and foremost my friend in Germany who has slowly been reading through my entire collection.  Thank you for letting me have the opportunity to entertain you!

Fantasy comes in many forms and the job of a writer is making her fantasy accessible enough that even someone who doesn't share it will still enjoy it. This piece is one of those "taboo" subjects that turn a lot of people off - may even make some frustrated in "glorifying rape."  I know that no person ever truly wants to be raped - and in no ways do I condone those actions.  But in truth its a deep (yes pun intended) fantasy of my own.  And while I've debated on putting it out for a while I figured I couldn't be the only one out there that liked the idea of rough and mock-consensual sex.  And after 29 titles and getting reviews (both bad and good) and a few emails about my writing I figured I have a thick enough skin to take it.  

So let me know what you think - if you own a blog and want to review it for free I'll send you a .pdf just email me.

So I spent much of yesterday hating my life, belittling my achievements, cursing God or Fate or the Powers that Be for giving my family so many trials over the past few years.  I was sick of looking at things positively and the more I thought about the bad the more I wanted to throw things, smash things, crack my knuckles against a wall.  Finally my lover came home and held me, chatted with me, settled me down. . . but mostly he was positive. 

The truth is that while life has been pure and total shit on so many fronts I do have things to be proud of.  A beautiful two year old girl who knows all of her alphabet, numbers up to twenty, all of her colors, she is healthy and bright, a shining spot in a seemingly world of shadow.  She is sweet and innocent.  Perfect, and I had a hand in creating her and in teaching her and molding her into this beautiful little girl.  A husband that would and does do everything for me, he makes it possible and supports my decision to stay at home despite the difficulties we've had with finances, he makes it possible to keep going.  And of course my writing.

There are so many aspects of my writing I'm proud of.  So many titles I feel are my "best work."  Sure my numbers aren't off the charts, I haven't been bringing in $1,000 a month in six months as was my original goal, but I have made over $1000 in those six months.  My progress is steady.  The few dips I have taken in my writing have been brief and because I literally fell off the radar.

I am proud of my covers, my books, my blurbs, and my video.  Sure they took me time, but they are also good, and lasting.  I reread my stories from time to time to help me get in the mood, and I still love them. 

Take pride in your achievements.  

Fall has hit Colorado, the sky is a soft gray, the air holds heavy dampness.  It is reminiscent of my last week in the Boston and Cape Cod.  There is a crispness to fall mornings in that few weeks before the dew frosts and the chill becomes uncomfortable.

Sometimes ambiance is what you need to write.  Setting up scented candles, building a roaring fire, listening to romantic soft music can get you writing sweet stuff in moments.

Listening to upbeat techno, setting up the strobe lights.  Ambience.  Going to the gym and watching the ladies and gents working out.  Ambiance.  Stuffy old library filled with dusty old tomes, whispering patrons and that tight lipped librarian glaring in the corner.  Ambiance. 

I have a bestie that is at her wits end, stressed beyond anything with finances, a brand new colicky baby, building a house, a stressed-out work-o-holic hubby, a nit-picky always critical live in MIL, not having a place to call her own . . she's going through hell.  She's being put through every ringer created.  

We've all been there at some point in our life, looking at the trials we're faced with and going "WTF!"  I'm not going to spout declarations that changing the ambiance in your home / l will change your life, but it can certainly help.  And it can help with your writing.  Taking a breath and setting things straight, listening to music and creating the mood may be just what you need to take steps toward writing and living happiness.