Self expression is one of those loose terms that means something different to everyone.  Some people believe that self expression can be portrayed in how you dress, in what piercings or tattoos you have.  But honestly I think they have it all wrong.

Sure, self expression sometimes ties into your image - which is what clothes, piercings, and tattoos are to me - but it can never be solely reliant on that.

Self expression is a highly personalized thing.  Each person has an expressive outlet, and shows it in their own ways, via radio shows, via tv personalities, blogging, painting, parenting, cleaning, hell, even the idea of how a person moves can be a form of self expression, and often a person expresses themselves differently in a multitude of settings, professionally, familiarly, and in the home.   

Consider some of the greatest actors and their roles.  Notice how they move.  Notice how they talk, their dialect, their expressions.  All of these are tied into an expression of that person's self.  

Now think about this - they say that every book a person writes carries a level of self-expression with it.  If you have read mass quantities of a specific author then you may have come across some specific "tones" that read in that author's books.  Now I'm not meaning themes or genres, we all know that Stephen King is a master of thrillers, but when you read through his pieces you start to understand the way he writes, his process.  If you threw in a different author - for example Laurel K Hamilton who in her own way has some wonderful thrillers out there as well, you would immediately see a different style of writing, a different expression of self.

The best books are built with strong characters - characters that have their own self to express.  So the question becomes how do you show your character as an individual separate from yourself. An individual with thought patterns different from your own, and stay true to that character while still showing your own artistic voice?  

My new piece is written from a barely legal blond haired beautiful 18 year old.  The type of girl that gets anything she wants because she's so beautiful.  I am an attractive 30 year old woman, but I certainly have little experience with getting everything I want because of my looks.  Entering her mind was a fun experience, and I hope it is for my readers as well.


Shelby is fun, sexy, and exuberant, her forms of self-expression are vastly different from my own, but I feel the book reads well, coming across cleanly and believably.  I hope my readers feel the same.  

Honestly the evening was good - though in truth erotica never came up.  I am sure you are all disappointed to not get to hear about all the exciting moments when my smut writing career was brought up for the first time. 

I will say this - my mind can really turn innocent things into twisted and sexy things. 

I'm a talker.  My lover teases me about it constantly, as do my father, brothers, sister, aunts, uncles....you get the point.  I tell everyone everything.  My filter for some reason is broken.  Hell, my mother knows I like bondage, and some of my friends know I like taking it up the butt, those are just examples of how truly broken my filter is.  Usually they laugh it off or make some joking comment and we all laugh and life goes on.  When there is alcohol its 10 times worse.

So you can imagine my apprehension about today.  Today is my first "public event" since I have become a published erotic author... And there will be booze. 

Of all things its a "Royal Rumble" (I know, I should be embarrassed over that more than my erotic fiction!) for those of my readers who are not familiar with pay-per-view wrestling, its a cheesy night filled with my lover's guy friends and their lovers and wives.  Usually it consists of the guys in the living room yelling at the TV about how they totally saw such-and-such coming or how fake that sell looked or how ridiculous the double clothes-line is, and the girls meandering about the kitchen snacking and joking and chatting about whatever is our current fancy. 

Of the probably 45 people that will be there I will be friends with nearly 33%, recognize about 35% more and possibly know names, and the other 32% will either be people I recognize as showing up to these things on occassion or have never seen before in my life.

I'm very good at angling myself away from people I know, because despite the fact that I'm completley comfortable talking to strangers on the train, I'm no where near comfortable enough to talking to someone who is friends with someone I know... Dunno why. 

But anyways - I digress, tonight is what one of these male friends of mine considers the Social Event of the Season, he pours drinks and laughs and does a very good job of getting me, especially, to spill the beans about what's new.  Oh and did I mention he's also a writer?  Yes, there's that, too.  So I know this new angle to my writing career will most likely come up, and despite the fact that I will probably say it quietly - or at least attempt within my drunken state - I'm sure one or two more of my friends will know of it, and cat's out of the bag, Lesa is a Smut Writer!  :) 

I'm both excited and horrified by this.  Excited because "YAY PUBLICITY!" hehe - horrified because, well lets just say my lover freaked that his mother knew I was writing (in general) afraid that she'd want to read it...and because my day job may cause a few glances.  :D

It will be an interesting night - if and when it comes up, and I'll be sure to let you, my wonderful reader, know all about the implications it may (or may not) have on my life. 

I don't know about you, but when I am self-employed I tend to throw in too much, heck, when I was working at a company I believed in doing things I enjoyed, I worked late nearly every night.  Now being self-employed with something I thoroughly enjoy doing I find myself becoming a work-a-holic.

Since before Christmas of last year when I first sat down and wrote out my first for publishing erotica, I have been go, go, go. 

My lover and I have been reading Literotica for at least a year, and he encouraged me to write a piece.  So I did. 

28,000 views in a week.  That was what really got me thinking.  I mentioned it to my friend who mentioned it to her husband who sent me to a link and suddenly I was publishing on amazon.com. 

My first piece published there on the 19th, take in count the month I'd put in beforehand with minimal breaks (obviously Christmas had to happen!)  But I don't remember a day I didn't work at least 4-8 hours on my new writing career. 

Its made my lover go "wait a minute, where did you go" and my family start to question. 

So today we're taking a much needed break - and I may tomorrow too, but don't worry my friends, expect at least 2 new pieces this next week, they're in final edits right now, their covers are finished and they're simply waiting the final "ok" before submitting. 

I'm sure most of my fellow writers will agree,
But I think I have an intimate relationship 
    with my PC. 

Perhaps its the hours and hours of time, 
Or maybe that we can spin a real dirty line. 
Perhaps its because its my first morning thought,
Or maybe the touch of the keystrokes, or maybe 

This isn't my first "rodeo" as my grandma used to say.  

I have published pieces online before, though in most cases it was in a blog-like format.  Some were taken up and I was given upfront payment, and-or royalties based on views.

But none have been quite as satisfying to me as my sells in erotica.  Not that I'm making as much - at the moment not near as much, but its more satisfying because I see it updated daily.  I see exactly how many pieces I'm selling.  I enjoy the work a lot more, a dive into the human psyche is much more interesting the Christmas Ideas for Sports fans, and I have received emails from fans already expressing they enjoyed my pieces.

My first two stories - published free on Literotica.com had over 28,000 readers in a month.  I have already made a few friends with other authors, checking in and seeing their blogs, saying hi and seeing how they build their sites.  

But mostly, even with the sales and the excitement of the potential it my mean, I'm enjoying the writing, the enjoyment of playing with new characters and thinking and seeing through their mind.  

I can't wait for my first "You shouldn't be allowed to write that filth!" email or comment, because frankly it means I'm doing something right.  :) 

It seems there is always something that can keep me from writing, whether its appliances breaking, being constantly on call with my "day" job, fights with my significant other, or just the general duties of home-ownership and life.

Every day there are challenges, and every day I fight them for a few minutes to myself to write, blog, and essentially attempt to kick-start my career as an author... At least an author paid better than what I have been making.  

People don't get it.  You say you need time to dedicate to your career and they say "oh I thought you were already working for _____..."  There is a difference between a job and a career.  There is a difference between being paid for a 9-5 and for a career that you live, breathe, and think.

Its also amazing how you can find time to think about your career when you make it a significant portion of your life.  How you can think about the next plotline, the next character, the next scene while doing dishes, driving in the car, or laying in bed.  

Why would you ever become a writer if you didn't love it?

I have several writing friends.  Mostly those who blog.  They talk about saving money, about couponing, about their kids, and about crafts they're doing at home - they talk about things that fill their lives.  They enjoy it - I can see that. But each of them has come to me at some point and gone "I so didn't want to write today." Or "I so didn't have time to write today." Or "Jeez I hate blogging."  They enjoy it but they don't seem to LOVE it.  

Its not a requirement to love your job - hell most people won't ever love their job, they'll wake up they'll go to work, they'll do their job, they'll come home and talk about how much they hate their job.  I have to believe that most people just tolerate their jobs because I rarely hear people talking about how much they love their job.  

When you are passionate about something it shows.  Your thoughts wander to it - even at inopportune times.  Suddenly time seems to magically appear for when you get to do that activity.  

As I said, I have several writing friends.  Amongst them is a man who has been writing for years.  He loves it, he is passionate about it, I wish I could italicize that.  He is PASSIONATE about it, he LOVES it.  He still goes to a boring job and sits down and calls people to set appointments, but he never talks about that - he talks about writing.  He talks about his screenplay, his story, his idea.

I believe that is true happiness.  Being passionate about something so much it helps you get through the rest of your day.  You dig through the junk to find the treasure.

If you are a true writer, if you are doing this because of a passion then I believe that some day it will pay off.  Someday it will work to your advantage.  :) Hopefully that someday for me is soon.

So in truth I did this several days ago, (before submitting it to Amazon & Barnes and Noble.), but I've been busy, so please forgive. 

The cover ended up being easy in execution, difficult in decision.  

I loaded up a stock photo site granting me royalty free (or limited royalties) and pooling around for photos that would work.  They are particularly awesome because they are professional, they are well lit, and they're really on the cheap side and the rights specifically allow for use for book covers, allowing cropping, editing, and adding text.  

I have seen several photos on Amazon that I know do not belong to the writer, and means that the illustrator/photographer isn't getting anything from the use of their art.  They are using it illegally and stealing from that artist.

Its highly frustrating to me that a writer who is attempting to make money at their craft would not support an illustrator trying to make money at his, especially when there are so many services out there in support of these "starving artists."

Ok off my soap box.  

I used a free shareware program which I plan to donate to if this venue helps my family as it has helped many others, and I used free for everyone fonts (not free for personal use fonts).  

Then I saved as a jpeg and made sure pixel sizes and file sizes were correct.  Easy Peezy.  :) 

So its official, The Binding: An Erotic Fantasy, is waiting for Amazon to clear it - expected in the next 12 to 24 hours.  WOOT! :)

I'm actually amazed with the ease of which it was uploaded - we had a few little hiccups, a page break wouldn't work, sort of things, but the HTML was easily handled, and the photo uploaded easily - the part I honestly was most afraid of.

I'm really excited - I have published a lot of little articles around and made a "few bucks" there - and honestly I have no idea what to expect from my erotica, but it never hurts to try!